Jes' Blog

Well tomorrow is a new day, but a new day unlike any other. I begin a new job at Dorney Park in Allentown, Pennsylvania.

It's quite a dramatic change for me. Two weeks ago I thought that I would be living in Cleveland indefinitely. But the clouds parted just briefly, and grabbed a hold of my life. Next thing I know, I'm throwing some clothes in my car and leaving home.

This next week will certainly be crazy as I attempt to find a place to live. I'm not as concerned about work as I am living arrangements. I am confident I will exceed their expectations, and so that really isn't cause for me to worry. But this whole living on my own thing is something new.

Ok, I'll be honest, I may be slightly crazy for doing this. But here I am, and soon enough, I'll be settled in. Until then, I'm going to just keep telling myself it will be alright.

As I lay here in bed thinking about all the variables that I could be changing in my life but am not, I can't help but wonder if this is just something I will always feel. Fuck, I'm too depressed to even think right now. So much for a blog update. It feels like every day that passes is another day I waste, and I just keep on doing it over and over. Wake me up when there's some damn sunlight around this place.

I've been trying to make sense of this feeling for the last couple months, but I still have no definitive answers, just intuition. I don't know why I can't stop thinking about it, but my guess is that deep down I know she was the one. And a cloudy pain tells me it will always be "she was". I don't know much about anything, especially love, but I know I did love her... and as I fail to organize my thoughts, I think I still do.

So maybe, your gonna be the one that saves me...

A Short list of things people do that piss me off:

1. When people drive right on your tail.
2. When people abruptly interrupt me when I'm talking.
3. When people are fake with you to your face.
4. When people are literally standing in your way and have no intentions of moving.
5. When you make plans with someone who cancels on you at the last minute twice in a row.

Boss executed for making personal phone calls.

Yeesh!

It's funny- you start your day without a care in the world. And if you are like me, you've filled your head with as much stress as you possibly can during the day, until you're back at that very same place you started, begging for sleep to come whisk you away from everything. It seems the hardest thing for me to overcome is myself.

So I ask myself, please, let us be at peace.

So pretty much the entries have come to a grinding hault. No, I'm not dead, miserable, in Peru, or otherwise. I haven't even really been that busy. It's just that honestly I don't feel the need or desire to write in this thing any more. Sure, I've got plenty of interesting stories, I've found amusing antidotes on the internet that are worth sharing, and some random babbling/questions that I'm famous for. But I just really don't want to broadcast myself anymore like I once did. Perhaps blogging was a phase for me, much like many other habits I've grown out of, and I'm finally at the point where I don't want to do it anymore... Or perhaps I'm bored with life and totally void of any emotion (after all, whats a blog without a hint of emotion added in?).

Anyway, who knows what will become of this blog. For the time being it isn't serving any purpose and so it remains barren. Maybe you can give me something to write about?

Well, it's time for some tough decisions. For many of my fellow friends that worked at the park, the decisions are coming more quickly. Most, if not all of those who were working seasonally will not come back. Maybe a couple will go work at another Cedar Fair park. Many year round employees are being shipped off. Some have declined the option of working for the company elsewhere, and still others were unfortunately laid off. The coaster enthusiasts will undoubtedly follow the rides wherever they may go, and before you know it, a swirling cloud of dust will be the only thing left... besides myself. A ghost town with only a few faded signs to remind you of what once was.

No matter what I decide, ultimately I have to move on. If I continue to work for the waterpark, I know it will be a different world, with no regard for the memories and friends I've made at Geauga Lake in the past. Really, it would be like having a completely new job. If I decide to leave... well that's just a whole other can of worms right there. Do I work for another park? Do I pursue a new career? Do I move to another part of the country? Will it be a step forward, or just a new beginning at the bottom of someone else's totem pole?

These are some difficult questions I have to ask myself over the next few weeks. It's a shame it has come to this, but the ship has already sank, and treading water isn't going to do me any good. The time has come to start swimming towards another boat, whatever direction that may be.

Music: David Bowie "Heroes"

I am starting to wind down from another Geauga Lake summer. The fall will soon be here, and it won't be long before I'm staring out the window at the snow gently touching down. It will be a cold windy day and I'll be asking myself "how much longer until spring?" Whether I'm ready for or it or not, my season is over.

As I drove home tonight, I came to the realization that I've been driving down the same road, the same way for the last 6 years. I think it is a pretty fair comparison to what I've done with my life during that same time period. Deep down I am disappointed with myself for everything that keeps me stuck on that same track.

This is the first time I don't have the comfort of knowing that everything was going to continue in the spring. The normal hiatus during winter was built around eventually coming back out of my cave. But things are very unclear right now. I don't know what is going to happen which makes me uncomfortable. People all ready have asked me if I'm coming back, and this is the first time I've answered with anything besides the normal resounding "yes!"

So we will see. My responsibilities are all but over for the year, to which I can say that the Business Jes feels very confident about his job. My passion for the park, however, is being tested, and the Enthusiast Jes that has so many fond memories towards it does not feel confident whatsoever.

When I go in to work tomorrow, I'll try and remember the lyrics:

Though nothing will keep us together
We can beat them for ever and ever
Oh we can be heroes
Just for one day

As if you didn't already know it, here is another prime example of how ridiculous the news has become these days.